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Shane Filan Is Named the New Superman

Sligo Superman To Provide Inspiration For Hollywood Blockbuster
A LEADING Hollywood film studio is to remake the hit movie "Superman" - but instead of starring a superhero, the film will tell the story of real-life Superman, 28 year old Shane Filan from Sligo. Rather than re-telling the tired old story of a superhero who saves the world, producers at Twentieth Century Fox have decided to honour "Dad's" the world over, by basing their movie on the countless attributes needed to be a modern day Dad. "When we decided to remake Superman, we thought about writing it so that a man with special powers stopped asteroids from destroying the Earth," explained Walter Pitt, the head of Fox Studios. "But then we thought, 'Why not make it about a man that an audience can really believe in and relate to?' 'Why not make it about a man who doesn't have special powers, but who really makes the most of the ones that he has?' "It was never going to be easy to find such a man and, for a while we didn't think we were going to, but then the crew travelled to Sligo and spoke to some of Filan's family and friends. We secretly trailed Shane for just under a week. We had to be certain about him, this movie is costing $85 million" explained Pitt. "Shane proved to have everything that a man should be, and more. He's strong, he's attractive, he's caring and he always puts his family and friends before himself. More important for us as movie makers, the man has sex appeal. I can't believe that Shane is 28, he is one sexy hunk" the acclaimed producer said. All of Tinseltown's biggest names have put themselves forward to play the role of Shane Filan and industry insiders are predicting that either Brad Pitt or Arnold Schwarzenegger will eventually get the nod. "The leading acter is obviously going to have to be naturally attractive, but he's also going to have to be loving and generous at the same time." One solution would obviously be to cast Shane Filan as himself but, unfortunately, that possibility has already been ruled out. As Shane is such an amazing dad, he would be unable to commit to three months of filming as he is far to busy looking after his family. Just another example of the sacrifice and determination that makes Shane Filan a real-life Superman.

Kian Egan Joins Postman Pat and Jess!

28 Year Old Kian From Sligo Is Postman Pat's New Friend
It was revealed today that the most famous postman in the world has taken on a new assistant. Postman Pat who lives in Greendale has told this newspaper that he has looked for a long time to find the perfect friend and assistant to help him on his round. Today, Postman Pat and his cat Jess are celebrating because they have now found their perfect partner. Kian Egan who lives in Sligo is going to be joining Pat and Jess in Greendale to help them deliver all of their letters to the lovely people that live there. After Mrs Goggins and Bonnie the dog have sorted the post Kian will ride in Pat's red van and help him to push the letters through all of the letter boxes in Greendale. Postman Pat told our reporter that: "Kian will have a very important job, he will be helping Jess and I to deliver all of the mail to the people of Greendale. I also expect that Kian will be pleased to have a rest in the Station Café after we have delivered all of the letters and I'm sure that Nisha and Sarah will make an extra special cake for him!" Kian Egan is said to be very excited about his new job and can't wait to start helping Pat and Jess. Kian's family will be helping him practice putting envelopes through letter boxes and sticking stamps. "We're very excited to meet Postman Pat and Jess and we know that Kian will be a great help to them. Kian will be practicing posting envelopes as much as he can so that he can help Pat on his round." As well as helping Postman Pat with the mail, Kian will have lots of other things to do. During the week Kian is going visit Greendale Primary school with Julian, help Ted Glen with some of his inventions and take a ride on the Greendale Rocket with Ajay and Meera

GRANADA’S SECRET WEAPON TO SAVE THE STRUGGLING STREET

29 Year Old From Malahide Set To Rescue Coronation Street
When Coronation Street's ratings began to drop six months ago, Granada bosses decided it was time to give the show a new, real-life face. Despite looking for a new cast member across the length and breadth of the country, Coronation Street Director, Marsha Heinze, came across her new star whilst holidaying in Malahide. Cutting short her vacation Ms Heinze returned to the street, bringing with her the latest addition to the Corrie cast. The identity of the new acting talent was revealed last night and it is Nicky Byrne who is to take the leading role in Britain’s favourite soap. The Coronation Street viewers will encounter Byrne next week when they will be introduced to the new character set to revive the ailing show. Critics have long claimed that Coronation Street has lost its comedy value and become “hard work” rather than light entertainment. Script writers have been working on the latest storyline in the hope that they can return the most famous soap to it's former glory. Bosses have not yet disclosed what the new plots will be but Ms Heinze is convinced that she has found the person to carry off the lead role and win back the viewers. Magazines and newspapers are already buzzing over the stunningly attractive Byrne and his “untainted, honest talent” and an exclusive interview with “Hello!” magazine has been arranged for the end of the week. It is thought that Nicky Byrne is going to talk about everything from his childhood antics to his first impressions of the Corrie Cast and Crew. Despite tight confidentiality, this paper has obtained information that Nicky Byrne will receive £200,000 for the interview and approximately triple that for a year's filming with Granada. As would be expected, Byrne’s family and friends are over the moon for him. Nicky's best friend Shane told us that “I’m chuffed for Nicky, no one deserves it more!” The rest of the Corrie cast are equally thrilled. The actress who plays Rita Sullivan stated “I am so grateful that Nicky Byrne has decided to join us, what a charming boy he really is, I just know that the viewers will adore him.”

Mark Feehily TO STAR IN NEW SPIELBERG FILM

27 Year Old Sligo Man To Star in Most Expensive Film Ever Made
When Steven Spielberg visited Sligo last month on a “get away from it all” break he could not believe his good fortune. While out window shopping he laid eyes on Mark Feehily and immediately knew that his six month search for the star of his latest blockbuster “The Time Now” was over. The world famous Director had almost given up on producing the movie due to not being able to cast the leading man for his self proclaimed master-piece. 27 year old Mark , with his heart melting smile, mesmerising eyes and drop dead gorgeous looks, was exactly the face Spielberg had been looking for. Spielberg had already turned down several Hollywood A-listers for the leading role in “The Time Now” which is expected to be the most expensive film ever made, costing an estimated $670million. Spielberg flew in his casting editor, Marsha Heinze, overnight on his private jet to interview Mark Feehily in his home town of Sligo. A deal was struck, rumoured to net Feehily in excess of $5million (around £3million ). This is still cheap compared to the likes of Brad Pitt and Nicole Kidman who rarely work for less than $12million. So why Feehily and what exactly is it that Spielberg can see in him? Well whatever it was that lead Spielberg to pick Feehily, it seems to have been completely justified. After seeing Feehily for the first time during recent screen tests, critics agree that, while Feehily is not as smooth or slick as the better known actors, his raw, less coached talent, was ideally suited to the leading role. Spielberg is said to be thrilled at having finally found the perfect star for his movie; a film which he claims is far better than any of his past work and is destined to be an all time classic rivalling the likes of E.T., Jurassic Park and Minority Report. Mark Feehily has given up his day job and has now employed his best friend as his personal assistant. Life has changed completely for Feehily; in the last few weeks he has secured a string of sponsorship deals with French Connection, Calvin Klein and Rolex, each rumoured to be worth over £1millon. The modest Feehily said at his home in Sligo last night “All my dreams are coming true.”